By following the flight of my dove, I hope it will aid you in feeling the strength and guidance to free yourself from the darkness and pain that abuse holds. Please read the exerpt below which was taken from Blain Nelson's Abuse/Domestic Violence Pages, a "recovering spouse abuser" as he identifies himself. His extremely informative homepage about domestic violence includes his own story, his wife's version, as well as other personal stories shared on his website. Also included are some useful links to many other domestic violence resources on the Web. Please answer these following questions with your heart...

1. Are you afraid of your partner?
2. Do you sometimes feel like you have to walk on pins and needles to keep your partner from getting angry?
3. Has your partner ever hit, slapped, choked or pushed you?
4. Has your partner ever pulled your hair?
5. Do you ever feel like you deserve to be punished?
6. Do you ever feel like you've done something wrong but you just can't figure out what it is?
7. Have you lost all respect or love for your partner?
8. Is your partner very good to you most of the time -- sometimes downright wonderful, but every once in a while very cruel or scary?
9. Does your partner drive you crazy or make you feel like you're going crazy?
10. Do you find yourself sometimes thinking of ways of killing your partner?
11. Have you believed that your partner would kill you?
12. Have you been told by your partner that he or she would kill you?
13. Has your partner threatened or attempted to commit suicide?
14. Have you thought that suicide would be a good thing for you because everybody would be better off without you or if you'd never been born?
15. Were you abused as a child?
16. Have you ever done harmful things to yourself like cutting yourself, agreeing to do things you don't like, engaging in reckless or dangerous behavior, etc. because you felt like you should be punished when things have gone badly?
17. Have you been forced by your partner to do something you didn't want to do?
18. Have you lost all or most of your friends since you've been with your partner?
19. Have you put up with something that made you really uncomfortable, or something that you really knew was wrong, because you love your partner?
20. Do you feel isolated, like there's nowhere to turn for help, and that no one would believe you anyway?
21. Have you lost a job because of your partner?
22. Have you ever "frozen" when your partner gave you "the look"?
23. Do you feel emotionally numb?
24. Do you feel like you have to say that you're doing okay even when you really aren't?
25. Have you ever left your partner or had your partner leave because of how you were treated, but later returned or allowed your partner to return after promises that it would "all be different."
26. Are you afraid to tell anybody about what's going on in your life because you don't want your partner to get in trouble or go to jail?
27. Have you ever had sex shortly after a violent episode?
28. Have you ever been in a relationship where you could have answered yes to these questions, but right now you're past all that?
29. Are you certain that you're not being abused because:
• You fight back?
• You've never been hit?
• You've never been hit with a closed fist?
• You've never had to go to the hospital?
• You've never had a broken bone?
• You deserve what you get?
• You give as good as you get?
• Nobody ever treated you this well before?
• You're not like "those" people that abuse happens to?
30. Do you feel that you are better or smarter than people who are abused?
31. Are you certain that abuse is going to stop because:
• You're going to love your partner so much that he or she will stop abusing you?
• Your partner has so much potential, and is going to change?
• Your partner is so nice to you when other people are around? or
• Your partner comes from a difficult background and is getting better all the time?
32. Are you afraid to ask for help because you're afraid that:
• No one will understand?
• People will say that you're:
• overly sensitive?
• whining?
• immature?
• making it up?
• trying to get attention?
• crazy?
• trying to get out of your responsibilities?
• unfaithful?
• lying?
• a wimp?
• homosexual?
• a man/woman hater?
• You deserve to be treated like that?
• You haven't been treated badly enough yet?
• Everyone you know will find out how much of a failure you really are?
• You don't want to tear your relationship or marriage or family apart?
33. Do you find yourself agreeing with or giving in to your partner when you don't really agree?

If you have answered "yes" to many, most, or all of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. Please visit Blain Nelson's Abuse/Domestic Violence Pages for more invaluable information that can aid you in getting the help that you need. I *highly* recommend that you visit this website. And *please* get in touch with a woman's shelter, a counselor, a priest, a police officer, or someone who you can trust to help you.